10 Commandments for Parents of Athletes

1. Make sure your daughter knows that win or lose, scared or heroic, you love her, appreciate her efforts, and are not disappointed in her. This will allow her to do her best without a fear of failure. Be the person in their life they can look to for constant positive enforcement.

2. Try your best to be completely honest about your daughter's athletic capability, her competitive attitude, sportsmanship, and actual skill level.

3. Be helpful, but don't coach her on the way to the field, or on the way back, or at breakfast, and so on. Its tough not to, but its a lot tougher for your daughter to be inundated with advice, pep talks, and often critical instruction.

4. Teach her to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be out there trying, to be working to improve her skills and attitudes. Help her to develop the feel for competing, for trying hard, for having fun.

5. Try not to re-live your athletic life through your daughter in a way that creates pressure; you fumbled, too, you lost as well as won. You were frightened, you backed off at times, you were not always heroic. Don't pressure her because of your lost pride.

6. Don't compete with the coach. If the coach becomes an authority figure, it will run from enchantment to disenchantment, etc., with your daughter.

7. Don't compare the skill, courage, or attitudes of your daughter with other members of the team, at least within her hearing.

8. Get to know the coach so that you can be assured that the philosophy, attitudes, ethics, and knowledge are such that you are happy to have your daughter under this leadership.

9. Always remember that children tend to exaggerate, both when praised and when criticized. Temper your reaction and investigate before overreacting.

10. Make a point of understanding courage, and the fact that it is relative. Some of us can climb mountains, and are afraid to fight. Some of us will fight, but turn to jelly if a bee approaches. Everyone is frightened in certain areas. Explain that courage is not the absence of fear, but a means of doing something in spite of fear or discomfort. The job of the parent of an athletic child is a tough one, and it takes a lot of effort to do it well. It is worth all the effort when you hear your youngster say, My parents really helped, I was lucky, in this.